Nice thing about Fridays? Most weeks, I get to leave a little early. Bad thing about Fridays? Many times, really friggin' bizarre things happen--LIKE TODAY.
I get back to the office after a very pleasant lunch, and check my voicemail. One message is from an attorney I have never heard of, reference a case we have on Monday morning. Apparently, she can't be there. She has a "conflict" as she is in another court. Okay. Fine. First calling of the case, no biggie. I would have liked more than a 1/4 of a days notice to call off my witnesses, but we can work with it. I call her back at the number she left. As the phone rings, it is obvious the number is to a cell phone--you know, the ring tends to skip a little bit? The message kicks in, "You have reached the Law Office of Attorney X, I am either in court, in the law library, or in a conference meeting right now...blah blah blah." It is nearing 3:00 p.m. I am frustrated--we need a date certain to continue the case. I leave a voicemail, indicating the same.
I call off my witnesses, and decide to call the attorney back. We really need that date. And, I want to go home. After all, it IS Friday, and that's the nice thing about Fridays!
*ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring*
her: "Uhhh, helloooo?"
me: "Hello, this is Laura, returning your phone call reference the case of X on Monday morning?"
her: *her voice changes, becomes more friendly, REMEMBERING the message she left earlier* "Oh, YES, of COURSE! How are you!"
It is important to note at this point that the voice on the phone is the same voice that called and left me a voicemail--identifying herself as Attny X, and the same voice that I heard on the "firm voicemail" indicating she was Attny X.
me: "Well, thank you. You indicated you would be requesting a continuance?"
her: "Uhhhh, yes....YES! Attny X is in another court that day."
me: "Yes ma'am. Well, wait, isn't this Attny X?"
her: "Uhhhh...no....no, I'm uhhh.....her legal assistant!"
me: "Okay.....well, do you have Attny X's dates so we can continue the case?"
her: "Uhhhh, no, well....uhhhh.....I'm in my car right now. I'm going to have to get her to call you back."
me: "Okay....when can I be expecting her call--I am leaving the office very soon..."
her: "Uhh, she'll call you in just a few minutes, okay?"
me: "Okay, well my number is--"
*click*
The "legal assistant" has already terminated the call. I am feeling dumbfounded. That was definitely Attny X, and she definitely said she was her own legal assistant. That. Is. Friggin'. Weird.
*ring ring ring*
me: "Hello, this is Laura"
her: "Hellooooo! I was just informed that you called."
me: *skeptical silence*
her: "May we continue the date to the third week of August?"
me: "Let me look....I am only available that week on the 17th--That's a Monday. I have both the morning and afternoon circuit court dockets on all the remaining days of that week, so I won't be able to handle any general district court matters. Are you available on the 17th?"
her: "Not in the morning...I'm in another court. What about the 19th?"
me: *beginning to feel my blood pressure rise* "Ma'am, I'm unavailable every day except the 17th."
her: "But I'm unavailable that morning!"
me: *beginning to crave a glass of red wine* "Ma'am, would you be available that afternoon?"
her: "Afternoon.....the afternoon of the 19th?"
me: *beginning to crave a bottle of red wine* "No, ma'am. The afternoon of the SEVENTEENTH. Are you available THAT afternoon?"
her: *She says very slowly* "I have general district court at 1:00 on the 17th..."
me: *confused silence* "Ma'am.....are you confirming the date out loud, or are you trying to tell me that isn't a good date for you?"
her: "What?"
me: *wondering if I would have fared better as a postal service employee* "We're continuing this matter to August 17th, at 1:00, Attny X. Understood?"
her: "Yes......ah.......uhhh.......YES! Would you be willing to talk to me about the case?"
me: "Yes, ma'am. I'd be happy to."
her: *silence*
me: *confused silence*
her: "Uhhhhh....."'
me: "Well....would you like to talk about it?"
her: "What, you mean, right NOW?"
me: *I stare blankly ahead, internally chanting my patience mantra..."gooooosfraaabaaaahhh...."*
"Ma'am. You'll have to call me back, I have to go. Goodbye."
That. Actually. Happened. Just like that. Would you have thought it possible? Really? REALLY?????
And it wasn't just that this week. I faced off against an attorney whose argument to nearly every crime goes a little something like this:
And no, I'm not kidding. Not even a little bit. Not even AT ALL. And you know what else? TGIF.
Oh so scary. I feel like her clients should be warned that she's pretty much crazy.
Posted by: Mick | July 10, 2009 at 06:13 PM