Okay, so it's high time for a rant, folks. HIGH TIME. This is directed not at you, dear readers, but the World in general--especially the world encompassing tasting rooms across America--or, more specifically, their visitors.
First of all, I LOVE wine tasting. LOVE. There is something magical about touring through beautiful countryside, and leisurely visiting a small farm winery, surrounded by vineyards (many of which have been painstakingly planted by ancestors, spouses, friends, sons, and daughters), and literally enjoying the fruits of the vine. There is a physical music in tasting a handcrafted wine that has clearly been coaxed and cared for throughout the fermentation process, and is a reflection of the passion that the owners and winemakers have for their land and their craft. These guys are a perfect example.
We have toured and tasted in the Napa Valley, Willamette Valley, and across Virginia as well as a few other states here and there. I share this not to tout my knowledge or expertise, but to illuminate the fact that in my experience, people do NOT know how to behave when tasting and touring. It isn't a Here or There thing, it's an everywhere thing, and it's high time someone said something about it!
There are books of etiquette on just about everything: How to write a thank you note, how to plan a wedding, sushi bar etiquette...how to how to how to....After this weekend, I googled "wine tasting etiquette" and this was a pretty consistent example of the results generated. None of these resources tell you the appropriate way to BEHAVE...not really, at least...and isn't that the biggest part of what proper etiquette is all about? Civility?
I have been shocked by the behavior I have witnessed in tasting rooms these last few years. And no, I'm not talking about that guy who didn't know how to aerate the wine in his mouth, and ended up sucking it down his throat, resulting in a coughing spasm that was incredibly protracted and probably quite painful...*quick aside to shake head with affectionate pity*. I'm talking about the entitled Turds that walk into a tasting room and put on an invisible black robe, imagining they are Judges of the High Court of Spirits and Libation. You aren't there to JUDGE, friends, you're there to SAMPLE, and, if you're lucky, truly enjoy.
The rules of the elementary school playground apply here. There should be no pushing, shoving, cutting in line, or name calling. It is not nice to "hog the ball", so to speak, and stretch your elbows so that you can dub yourself Queen of the Tasting Bar. It is still considered impolite to "make faces", and talk about the fat kid behind his back in a whisper that an Armadillo could hear 5 miles away. (They're hard of hearing by the way. Very, very, hard of hearing). Oh, and furthermore, as ALWAYS, NOBODY likes a know-it-all.
In my opinion, a tasting room is like the foyer of a person's home. You should be conscious of the fact that this is someone's craft and passion. They are NOT there to please you. YOU came to THEM, not to be SERVED, but to SAMPLE. There's a huge difference between going wine tasting and going out to dinner. If you don't like what you taste, then be polite, and move on. So many times I have stood beside the quintessential Hermione Granger of Oenology, who can't seem to stifle her incessant desire to be an insufferable know-it-all, and feels it is incumbent upon HER to inform the tasting room of what SHE thinks of every wine on the menu. *whew! That was a long one...deep breath in recovery...* And I just want to say, "Oh really? And what do you think about the Cabernet Franc?" and then, RIGHT after she begins to pontificate, I want to get all Oprah on her ass and abruptly BARK, "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINKuh!!!" And watch her blink as the realization of Truth dawns in her eyes....it really doesn't matter what she thinks--to anyone else, that is. Keep your trap shut, Granger!
You wouldn't stand in the foyer of someone's home, as a guest, and criticize their choice of wall color, would you? (Well, most people wouldn't, there are always exceptions to the rule). Nothing obligates you to purchase--the whole point of tasting is for you to determine if you WANT to purchase. Whether you choose to or not, the goal of the exercise has been achieved. Your sampling informed your decision, either way.
It seems what I would consider "comprehensive" literature on wine tasting just isn't available. Perhaps that's because no one who is passionate about a hobby or activity would consider it necessary to inform a newcomer how to avoid being an ass while doing it. That's something we're supposed to have learned already, right? On the elementary school playground?
Yes, I could go on. And on, and on and on and on and on and on. But, I won't. I'll spare you that. You get the point, right? Soak it all in, enjoy your time, savor the intention in every glass. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. And for goodness sakes, if you're going to buy a glass, DO IT, and move your ass! And to that, I say, "Salute".
